Man gets stabbed in the back, but carries on partying anyway

Normally, the term ‘stabbed in the back’ is figurative and used to describe a betrayal of trust or an act of treachery but in this instance, it’s a literal term used to describe some poor dude getting stabbed in the goddamn back by a stranger!

22-year-old Elionardo Nascimento was having a drink at a bar in Brasileia, north Brazil, when an unknown assailant ran up and drove a large knife between his shoulder blades.

Bizarrely, Elionardo has no idea who was behind the attack and said that he hadn’t been arguing with anyone that night.

“I had just come out of the pub to talk to some friends and was standing around outside with a drink in my hand, when a guy ran up, stabbed me in the back and ran off,” he said afterwards.

“I didn’t even see him approach. I just felt a punch in my back which nearly knocked me off my feet. I was a bit confused as to what had just happened and when a friend took a look and told me I had a knife in my back, I couldn’t believe it.”

A clip of the aftermath shows Elionardo standing on a sidewalk, calmly waiting for an ambulance, while blood pours from a gash in his back and the knife handle sticks out.

Calm as a hindu cow…

Stabbed in the back worse than an Aussie politician!

“At the time, I didn’t feel any pain, I think I must have been in a state of shock. But I knew I had to keep upright and calm,” Elionardo said.

“There was no point panicking as this would only have made the situation worse than it was already.”

Surgeons later said that Elionardo only survived because the knife somehow failed to hit his major organs and missed his spinal column by a matter of centimetres. Incredibly, doctors say that he may not suffer any long-term side-effects from the attack.

Dude was so lucky (and unlucky)

Look at the size of that thing!

Detective Karlesso Nespoli said: “We were surprised to find the victim alert and not panicking. His composure certainly helped him to stay alive.

“Elionardo was able to tell us what happened, and our preliminary investigations found the knife was new and had only recently been bought.

“At the time of the attack, nobody ran after the suspect as they didn’t immediately realise what he had done.”

Police are treating the attack as an attempted murder and have put out a warrant to arrest a suspect.

There’s no way I’d be this relaxed…